Sunday, February 27, 2011

In which I declare mine epistles concerning recent contemplations

The other night, I dreamed that I was in a horrible car accident. I was in a coma for a long time, and when I finally came around, my family and my husband were all gathered around my bed. I was awake, but not really aware of the situation. I asked what had happened, and Cary explained very somberly that I had been in a serious car accident, and that the doctors had no choice but to amputate my legs. My dream-self tried to absorb what he was telling me, mulled it over for a while, and replied:

"YES! I never have to go running ever again!"

Abby and I have been logging lots of miles lately, and apparently my subconscious has had quite enough. You and me both, dream-self. The temperature is creeping up here in Tay-has and our usual runs now seem extra long and sweaty. I got new running shoes recently, but the soft-and bouncy-new-running shoes-will-make-me-fast-and-awesome-at-running-euphoria has long since faded.

Anywho, the toasty weather is definitely upon us. I am already developing an extremely sexy t-shirt and sock tan. Right now the weather is just peachy, but I am having a hard time enjoying it because in the back of my mind all I can think is that it's only February and it's 85 degrees. I am going to die this summer. Luckily, the good ol' AF is footing our utility bills and I'd like to thank all tax payers in advance for allowing me to keep my thermostat at 50 degrees this summer.

While I can still go outside without boiling my internal organs, I have decided to try out my green thumb and grow a little herb garden. I thought I would include a handy little tutorial for how to grow an herb garden, for anyone who is interested. Follow these steps precisely, and you will have home-grown fresh and delicious herbs in no time!
1. Get married (essential).
2. Go to the local Wal-Mart and ask pretty please for your husband to buy you the raised garden bed kit. If he raises an eyebrow and asks if you know how to set up a garden, assure him that you will do all the work and you know exactly what you're doing.
3. Act really dumb and confused while reading the instructions and bat your eyelashes very cutely. If necessary, slowly attempt to put it together while looking very pathetic.
4. Make snickerdoodles and lemonade while your husband tills, shovels, nails, and etc. Call out, "Doing great, honey!" frequently so that he knows you are a team player.
5. Admire your husband's beautiful handiwork and then finish the easiest and most gratifying part, planting the seeds.

A very similar process also works for hanging pictures, staining furniture, assembling complicated things, and much more. I should write a book.


  1. Jealous you have a garden! I'll be sure to send you some of our snow, compliments of our miserable Utah Winter.

  2. LOL Amy. You really crack me up. And I think its funny you were excited about your legs being amputated. And herb gardens are great.... esp. when a recipe calls for basil and its freakin $3 for 1/2 oz of it. Gotta start somewhere! :)

  3. Amy, this is why I love your blog. You make me happy! :)