I am losing my mind.

My subconscious freaks me out sometimes. Almost every night, I have extremely involved and usually fairly traumatic dreams. Last night may trump them all.

I dreamed that Cary was deployed (sad enough by itself). So while he was gone, I started feeling really sick, so I went to the doctor, where they informed me that I was like 5 months pregnant. Side note, no one should ever watch the show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" because I am pretty sure that watching that contributed to this dream. Side note to my side note, I don't believe that any of those girls didn't know they were pregnant. I think they were in denial. How in the world could you not know that there is a PERSON inside of you??? Anywho. So that was traumatic and I was all upset because the baby would be born while Cary was gone, I was in Texas by myself, etc. So then the doctor tells me that the baby is the least of my worries, because I also have extremely aggressive breast cancer, and I will most likely die before the baby is born. I called my deployed husband and he got together everyone we know in Texas (which consists of about 4 people) to come and help me and be with me, and I couldn't get a hold of anyone in my family and my husband couldn't come home to be with me. In my dream, we just spent hours on the phone, not saying anything, both of us just crying. It sounds ridiculous while I'm typing it, but it felt SO REAL. I honestly woke up sobbing!

Usually when I have these freaky dreams, I wake up and see my precious husband sleeping like a rock next to me and I cuddle up to him and try to focus my dreams on puppies and ice cream. But the hubs is gone so I just kept falling asleep and having that same dream over and over again! It was horrible. 

I need to lay off the drugs,  man. 

Also I would like my husband back.