Thursday, August 18, 2011


1. The dark days are over. You no longer need to mourn my prolonged blogging absence. You see, for a while there, my place of employment decided that it would be prudent to block all websites that might possibly be more entertaining than working. E-mail sites, facebook, news sites, blogs... It was all blocked. It was a dark time, indeed. I resorted to taking online typing words per minute tests to amuse myself, which I'm sure my office neighbor really enjoyed. (Also?100 WPM is my record. Boo-ya). But for some reason, I came back from my trip to Colorado and they were unblocked! Praise Buddha. The internet is rejoicing that my witty rhetoric will once again be published.

2. But with each victory comes a defeat. I know this may shock those who know me well, but I seem to have permanently misplaced my camera. I'm not going to say that I lost it, because that sounds irresponsible and sad.  But I will say that the chances of my camera finding its way back into my hands after its probable tumble from my purse in the airport are very slim. So I'm going to stick with permanently misplaced. I never particularly liked this camera, especially its habit of making me look about 75 pounds heavier, but I'm still bummed that it's lost. And you all should really be bummed because until I get another camera/ steal my husband's camera, there will be nothing but words on this blog, which is super boring.

3. Today is my first day back to work after my week long vacation to the blessed state of Colorado. I had 21 e-mails. Only 2 of them were actually for me. It's good to feel like I am contributing to society...

4. I very nearly missed my flight into Denver. I had printed off a coupon to park at Budget Rent-A-Car for 4 bucks a day and plugged the address into my GPS. First of all, I got stuck behind a line of a million trucks going 20 mph below the speed limit. This was the warm up round for an exercise in self control regarding swear words, middle finger usage, and jaw clenching/teeth grinding abilities. After getting around all of those dumb trucks, I finally got into San Antonio.

Then the drama started. I got into a major fight with my TomTom. Stupid thing kept getting confused about what road I was on, and telling me to take left turns off of the highway, when in fact I was on a bridge, and taking a left turn would be a very poor idea. I ended up passing the dumb place I was trying to park several times, but always on a street that would never take me to there. It was like a mirage. Finally, I was getting desperate and my flight was leaving in 45 minutes, so I decided to park in a more expensive parking lot right across the street. I might not have done this if I'd known that this particular establishment was having their annual "Move In Slow Motion and Be Unhelpful" day. I had to follow a shuttle in order to get to the spot to park my car. Then I took the shuttle back to the main place. Then I had to wait for a different shuttle to come pick me up and take me to the airport.

 Eventually I made it to the airport, where the line to check baggage for Southwest extended practically into Mexico. So I ran back out into the outside check in place, where they graciously checked my bag, even though I had no money for a tip. I offered them a $5 Walmart giftcard, but strangely they refused. Please note that at this point, I had only muttered about 4-5 minor swear words. I was holding up pretty well. So I get to the security line, which is usually empty. But of course they are also involved in celebrating "Move In Slow Motion and Be Unhelpful" day, along with "Be Surly and Rude and Act As If Something Large and Spikey Has Been Inserted Into Your-" ...Anyway. Suffice it to say, no customer service awards were earned this day. My flight was leaving in 20 minutes. A gracious stranger at the front of the line offered to let me cut in front of her. After thanking her over and over, I jumped in line and as I was beginning to exhale a large sigh of relief, a TSA worker pulled me out and said that I couldn't cut in line because I would have to ask every single patron in line if it was okay with them, and I need to go to the back of the line. Following the principles of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," I marched on back to the end of the line, which had grown considerably by this point. And then I cried. After this 4 hour long stress-fest, I was just done with it and couldn't blink back my frustration anymore.

Someone towards the front of the line had been watching this drama all play out, and happened to be leaving the line to go do something, and she asked the TSA lady if she could give me her spot, because then the wait would be the same for everyone in line. The TSA lady eventually grunted her approval, and I nearly french kissed both of them, and made it to my plane just as they were boarding my group.

Boy, I did not intend for that to be so long! Geez. The point is. I should stop traveling so much. If I don't, I will grind my teeth down to nubs.

4. Speaking of traveling. It is important that we all stick together and unite on the issue of delivering solid dirty looks to drivers who are driving under the influence of being an idiot. If someone is driving like a weinerhead, it is important that this sentiment is communicated appropriately. It is up to us.

5. Here are some google searches that have led people to my blog.

"best vienna sausages" (Ha.)
"funny roaches pics" (Do I mention roaches a lot? Hmm.)
"need me a big girl" (WHAT the WHAT?? Get out of here, Creeper McCreepyson!)
"sweet mustache things" (Well, I am some what of an authority on sweet mustache things, after all.)

I am concerned.

Plus, these people must have clicked through about 95 pages on google to come up with this blog on their search. Yikes.

5. I went to church with my family in Colorado on Sunday. When Cary and I go to church together, we always hold hands during the prayer. Thus, I tried to hold my Mom's hand during the prayer. Whoops.

6. I had Chick-N-Minis (or Chiki Minins, as I called them accidently) from Chick-Fil-A on 3 different occassions. I am going to name my first child after them.

7. I am boring myself. Sorry this is lame. Better blogs to come, I promise.


  1. bahaha. i hate the airport. and what's with tsa peeps and their power trips?? yeesh.

  2. Perhaps you should consider making the blog-o private. I had to once weirdo people I didn't know were posting on my blog. Anyway, when I fly out of most airports, Ty insists that I get there two hours early. Most people think that this is unreasonable and kind of a waste of time. However, if Ty were to read this, he'd be like, "see, thats what I mean." I always double check directions on google maps to see if the GPS is legit, bc my GPS also tries telling me to turn left off bridges at times.

    I do give people dirty looks when they suck at driving. I mostly look at them like, "what the heck are you doing in a car because CLEARLY you can't drive!!!"

    My favorite of the google searches? "need me a big girl" that is creepy. But it is still funny :)

  3. i think i know exactly which $4 parking lot you were trying to get to. we tried parking there when we were flying out to j's dad's funeral...needless to say, we were not in any mood to deal with bad directions and poor customer service. we finally got there, waited for a while, only to be told that they were full(?!) so we parked in the rip-off-o-rama lot. and then we got to the airport, and i realized i left my wallet in the car. and then...and then...

  4. umm your google searches made me laugh out loud. and yes, they are all creepy, but so funny at the same time.

    please consider taking a vaca to come shopping out here with me. i could use a familiar smiling face, and spending money etc etc. do it. right now. look at flights. now.