Sunday, November 11, 2012

True Life

It has been a while since I went ahead and laid it all out on the table on the ol' blog. I find sharing my little quirks and guilty pleasures to be strangely cathartic. Perhaps it is because I realize that I'm not alone in my weirdness, or maybe it's just because once I write all out, I realize that even though I count chewing gum as brushing my teeth sometimes, at least I don't eat rocks or anything.

1. Sometimes when Cary is taking a nap, I put dog treats on him so Abby will eat them and wake him up. I start subtle- next to his leg or on his chest. And then I progress to more difficult locations. The ultimate objective is to keep him asleep long enough that I can put one on his face and he will be suddenly awoken by a giant dog jumping on his lap and trying to french kiss him. He usually wakes up before this, because I am giggling myself silly. In fact, I just engaged in this very activity moments ago and I am still chortling about it. I got to his neck before he groaned something unintelligible and whimpered a bit and covered himself in the blanket. I've been doing this for weeks, and I'm not sure he's fully aware of what's happening yet.

2. As previously stated, when I am running late or feeling especially lazy, I occasionally count chewing gum as brushing my teeth. The good news is that usually the feeling that my teeth are wearing fuzzy sweaters becomes too much to bear and I end up brushing my teeth sometime later that morning. So, it evens out. Plus the dentist told me my teeth are awesome, so stop judging me right this instant.

3. On more than one occasion this week, I skipped dinner so I could eat popcorn and ice cream instead. I don't regret it.

4. I spent a truly appalling amount of time facebook stalking myself just now- reading old posts from friends, old status updates, old pictures... It made me all nostalgic. I miss my high school and college friends. Especially all of my guy friends who apparently became repulsed by me in instant I got married. What gives? Also, I laugh at my own jokes. What can I say. I make me laugh sometimes.

5. I have only worn pants with a zipper and button three times this week. Being sick + having no job = sweatpants city. Let's not discuss how many times I showered this week. Okay fine, I'll tell you: 3.

6. I wasn't going to talk about this, because it's still hard for me to think about, but I really feel I need to share this: My entire life is a sham. You may or may not know this, but I have built my life around the glorious fact that I have never had a cavity. It was my pride and joy.  I went to the dentist this week. It was all going great. The hygienist gave me tons of compliments on my pristine pearly whites, and even believed me when I said I floss everyday. As if. Plus, they had TVs on the ceiling and headphones and I got to watch Boy Meets World. And then the dentist came in... And he says all casual like, "Oh, it looks like your filling is chipped, we're going to have to replace it."Suddenly the room became dim and the mood ominous. "But Doctor... I've never had a cavity... I've never had a filling! Why would I have a filling??? Are you sure it's not a sealant?" I said, entirely nonplussed. The dentist was unwavering. "Well, you DO have a filling, and it's cracked, so we're going to fix it." He also made a dentist-y joke about why it wasn't a sealant and all of the dentist ladies laughed, but I didn't understand the joke and also my existence was crumbling before me, so I didn't laugh. My entire world came crashing down around me. When suddenly, a buried memory resurfaced... Several years ago, I went to the dentist and the dentist was worried that I might have a cavity. But when I returned, he told me that I did NOT have a cavity, but they were going to put a sealant on my tooth to make sure I don't get one. A sealant, my fanny! That double-dealing dentist of mine pulled the wool over my eyes and gave me a filling when I didn't even know about it! The horror! The indignity! The shame! I'll have to update my resume at once. No longer "The Girl With No Cavities..." I am so ashamed.

7. Sometimes I write really long and dramatic paragraphs about going to the dentist. But guys.... I'm seriously dying over this. Plus I gotta pay 60 bones to get my traitorous filling fixed. AND I have to get a shot in my mouth which is the worst thing on earth.

Phew. I feel better now. 

Thursday, November 8, 2012

The Spokane Word

Get it? Spokane word? Spoken word? Eh? Eh? Alright fine, I didn't make it up- my very clever and hilarious brother Matt told me I should re-name my blog that. And I think it is awesome.

Anywho! We've been in our house for almost 4 weeks now! It's really starting to feel like home. We love the area that we live, I only get lost half of the time I leave the house, and I even already broke something. Door hinges are overrated. Most of our time has been spent running errands, Cary getting up to speed at work, and other such tomfoolery. But we've managed to squeeze in some fun times. I've often thought to myself, "Oh, this is fun/amusing/interesting! I should blog about this!" But then I don't, and here I am trying to blog and the only anecdote I can think of is the time Cary snuck into our house all quiet-like and scared me while I was in the shower, and henceforth I get freaked out whenever I shower when I'm home alone. Thanks a lot, Care Bear. Only slightly related; I also got my concealed carry permit. So watch out creepy internet weirdos thinking of trying to abduct me. You never know when I'm gonna be packing. Spoiler alert: Always.

So hey, time for pictures.

We were Mr. And Mrs. Pacman for Halloween, which was a smashing success. I made the whole thing, and I was a bit proud of myself. I also ate a lot of candy, which I was a bit less proud of. Some people buy candy they don't like so they won't be tempted to eat it, but I remember being a little trick or treater and receiving way too many Smarties and those nasty orange and black wrapped taffees, so I got the good stuff. We're talking mini-heath bars, twix, kit-kat... I wish it wasn't all gone. And I didn't even have any cavities when I went to the dentist today. Success.
Tis the season for my most favorite decoration of all time. Well if you insist, little wobbly turkey guy.
This Monday Cary and I decided to have Family Night, in keeping with our once-a-year since we've been married tradition, and I made him make this grateful tree with me. And every night since we've written something we're grateful for. Best entries so far include: Bacon, airplanes, Mexican food, and Cary's smokin' hot wife. (He wrote that) (It would be very strange if I wrote that) (But it is true, amiright??)
It has been raining like crazy lately, and Abby is not down with this. She sits by the front door all day long and whines, wanting to go on a walk. Sorry, pooch! I can't help it that I hate getting my jeans all wet on the bottom. It's the worst.
Out of context, this picture does not make a whole lot of sense. Even in context, it's pretty weird. All of us spouses got to go for a ride on the KC-135! And before hand, we got to try on these little emergency oxygen popcorn hats. You basically pull it over your head and pull a string that releases the oxygen tank and the you chill out and breath oxygen inside of your sexy Jiffy Pop headgear. Thankfully we just tried them out for funsies and didn't actually need them.
Inside the plane! Those little cargo net seats would not be very comfortable for a long flight. Sitting sideways is kind of strange on an airplane. You feel a bit like you're going to fall over when taking off and landing. And as always, it boggles my mind that Cary flies planes. Have any of you been in a car with him??? If so, you know what I'm talking about. Just kidding. A little.
Looking out the window. So high!
More window. This picture would probably be more interesting if you could see the sky or ground or something. Use your imagination.
This is at the back of the plane, looking down at the boom pod. If you are unfamiliar with how a KC-135 works, there is a guy back there controlling what they call a flying boom, and he flies it into a receptacle on top of the receiving plane. And then they pump tons o' gas through that bad boy. And yet nobody makes any jokes about this process, and this I do not understand.
Looking at one of many gigantic engines out the window.
Just chillaxin all cool in the cock pit. I wanted to press every button and flip every switch. I can think of nothing more satisfying.
Just hanging out in the boom pod. That's my friend Ann. She's awesome. And lives like 5 blocks away from us. Which is also awesome.
Being a boom operator would be awesome for several reasons, not the least of which would be that you perform your job while lying down.
Kind of hard to take pictures of how the boom pod is oriented... But I'm next to the real boom operator who is looking out a big window, as show in the next picture-
Here's a bad picture of the view. The only way I would have been able to take a good picture would be to sit on top of the boom operator and he said no that would be inappropriate.
So what you're seeing here is the boom- the big gray thing with little wings coming off of it- that is being flown by the boom. He changes the pitch of the wings and steers it into the receiver, which is the bigger gray thing below. Again, how are no jokes made about this?
It was quite literally the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. As the plane was being refueled, it felt like I could reach out and high five the receiving pilots. But they looked awfully focused.
Plus it kind of felt like a roller coaster as we pulled towards/away from the receiver.
After the whole refueling thing, we were just flying around forever, and I tried on this awesome mask. It did not smell awesome.
And then we took pictures by the giant engines after we landed. This is the typical pilot pose, and I think I pulled it off pretty well. I think being a pilot would be worth it just to wear the flight suit. Those bad boys are super comf. (Comf= hip way to say comfortable. Get with it.)
My foxy friend Ann posing like a pin-up in the engine.
 ...And then there's me... Everyone was looking at me and I was feeling awkward and a lot of pressure to do something sexy and/or funny, so I just decided to go with boring and uncomfortable and stick with this pose. Let's also laugh at how Cary's flight suit was too short for me in the legs and it looked like I was wearing flood pants. With hot pink Vans that you can't see. It was way hot.

If you scrolled through the pictures and didn't read any of the words, here's the summary: Spokane is totally radical, my husband has a cool job and I also really like him, and I really enjoy run on sentences.