Thursday, October 4, 2012

A lot of words and thoughts. And 2 random pictures.

This is my brain all of the time. But especially right now. I have 8 billion things to do, but somehow feeding Abby and regularly semi-regularly showering are the only things I really feel I have a handle on. Being grown up is tough bidness, yo.

Alright listen up, internet. It's about to get real. I may not even publish this lil explosion of feelings, but I'm writing it. For firstsies, I'm sick gosh dang it. I just got over the cold from H-E-double hockey sticks, only to wake up literally the next morning to all of the symptoms of a UTI. But I was seriously rooting for my immune system to just kick it out and get me better, so I ignored the grossness and just tried to soldier on. But my immune system let me down, and the darn infection set up camp in my kidneys, leaving me with pain so bad I could hardly stand up straight and a final admission that my immune system needed some outside recruits in the form of antibiotics. Hopefully by tomorrow, I will be feeling top notch and my kidneys will resume being team players.

Also, we're buying a house! Yahoo! We've jumped through all of the most significant hoops and are set to close next Friday. Holy smokes. So exciting slash terrifying. I make Cary drive by our house every single time we are out and about, and almost daily occasionally I have a meltdown over whether or not we made the right decision. But we love the house and are so excited to move in. Well, that last parts a lie. We are so excited to BE moved in, but the moving in I could really do without. I don't like picking up heavy stuff. Pictures of our new digs will be forthcoming. Stay away internet creepers.

But friends, these are really the least of my concerns. The biggest thing that is causing my brain to work itself into a smoking state of pandemonium is called: What on earth am I going to do with my life? Let me explain. There is too much, let me sum up. (Name that movie.)

I started college with zero idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I eventually decided to be a dental hygienist. Applied to the school, got in, and was one mouse click away from buying my lab coat when I started dating this homeboy named Cary... And you guys know the rest of that story. So then, I went to Del Rio, which is not exactly the scholastic capital of the country. I finished my degree in Exercise and Wellness, which I really did not have an extreme amount of interest in, just to get something finished. I found a job in this field after I graduated, which I was not super crazy about. You may have gathered that fact from reading my many blog entries penned while at that very place of employment.

The plan was always for me to go to more school after we finished up our time in Del Rio. I've pondered and researched a million different career fields that I'm interested in. Let's list them, shall we?

1. Nurse
2. Dental Hygienist
3. Dental Assistant
4. Hair Stylist
5. Court Stenographer
6. Ultrasound technologist
7. Occupational therapist
8. Physical therapist
9. Physical therapist assistant
10. Medical laboratory technologist
11. Medical Assistant
12. Piano teacher
13. Public Health Educator

Each of these options was carefully researched and all avenues explored. I finally decided on nursing. I found a good program and applied, pretty confident that I would get in. But as I prayed about it and thought about it, it was clear that this decision was really not right for our family right now. The details aren't important, but suffice it to say, it wasn't a good fit. Aside from a little bit of embarrassment as I explained to my family and friends that I was not going to nursing school after all, I wasn't too worried as I felt I had endless other options. The next plan I seriously considered was attending cosmetology school. There is a really great school here, and I got all set up to attend. In fact, this was my plan until just a couple of days ago, when I found out that this school won't accept the military spouse grant that would pay for a large portion of this schooling. And I'm really not very interested in going to any of the other cosmetology schools in Spokane. I'm pleading and begging with this school to take this grant, but it's not looking fantastic right now. I've spent months researching all of the other possible careers that interest me, but keeping hitting major roadblocks wherever I turn. I've always felt a strong desire to have some sort of career. Something to do for myself and to make a little bit of money. But I also have a strong desire to start a family sometime in the next decade. I want a job that will have the flexibility that I can work part time when I want to, full time when I want to, and no time when I want to. I really thought that all of these careers would mostly fit the bill. But getting the schooling is really throwing an unexpected wrench into the mix. Between money, time constraints, and the desire to be able to see my husband on occasion, I am starting to feel like what I want doesn't exist.

I had been living under this delusion that once I graduated college and got married, my life would just fall into place. I would be done with all of this confusion and wondering and what if. But instead I find myself even deeper into some sort of identity crisis. Maybe this is just my quarter life crisis. Perhaps I should buy a convertible.

Anywho. We are so excited to be in Spokane, and really loving it so far. I'm not really sure what the point in writing this is. Unless by chance there is somebody reading out there who owns a school and wants to let me in for free. And also make sure that I finish in less than 2 years. And let me take some time off to see my husband when he comes home from deployments. Hello? Anyone? Bueller? 


  1. man, i feel ya on the uti's. i got them all the time when we first got married! terrible! so sorry for you! and school.... ahhh that stinks. and is stressful when you can't find what to do. i hope you'll find something good! or just have a baby please. i'd like that too. =)

  2. Oh my gosh, Amy. Seriously, this is EXACTLY what I've been doing. I've even applied to a nursing program (I just found out which of my credits transfer so the next step would probably be register for the rest of the pre-reqs). Your list is almost the same as mine! I totally get what you're saying. I want kids soon but financially, I don't think we're quite there yet. So in the meantime I want to do something (because I've been sitting at home like a lazy bum) and earn some money (so that we can get to the having kids thing sooner), but I don't want a career that will take over my life to the point that having kids would be completely inconvenient. Blah, blah, blah. My point is, I hope you find a career you enjoy that fits your life plan. And maybe tell me what it is because I think I could use some help in that area.

  3. I want you to know that I think your blog is amazing! I love reading it! You are really funny, and I can relate to so much (okay some) stuff. But I think you're awesome for all the running you do. You did 100 miles in a month? I tried to do 50 and failed.... miserably. So props to you! Keep up the writing because it makes at least one person's day when you do!