Funny things and pictures of the inside of my uterus

I recently received this fortune in a fortune cookie, and I must give the people what they ask for:

I have so much to say regarding the world cup. If any of you know me, you probably know that if there is anything in this world that I love and am an expert on, it is all things SPORTS. Ha! That's just some of that abundant humor you can expect. When it comes to sports, this is generally how I feel on the matter:

So yeah, Go USA! Win the points! Sports your very hardest and sports better than the other team!
The husband is feeling a bit under the weather today, and in the interest of solidarity, I have bravely decided to lounge around in bed with him while he watches movies and occasionally whimpers about how no one on this great earth has ever had a stuffier nose than he does right now. Speaking of that wonderful guy, a lethal combinations of genetics, a stressful job, and a life long attendance at the School of Hard Knocks, that handsome dude of mine is waging a war between his forehead and his hairline. His forehead is currently involved in a hostile takeover bid for all cranium space, and his hairline seems to be powerless to the takeover. This makes him quite sad, so in order to be sensitive and kind, I have decided to order these post-it notes for him to make him feel better:

Cary does not find these as funny as I do... An indication of a medical diagnosis of a broken funny bone.

And for the record, I think he is hot stuff regardless of his hair status. I read recently on the world wide web that baldness can be caused by an excess of testosterone, so I maintain that his awesome manliness can't be contained and has to be released via the top of his head. So hair or no hair, I think he's like totally dreamy. Obviously, since I let him knock me up and all.

You guys, I lasted as long as I could. But it's time to talk about life as the most interesting gestating person to ever live. Sure I'm only baking 1 child, who so far appears to be remarkably average, but I still maintain that everyone should be completely fascinated by every little thing my adorable pregnant mouth has to say. Or rather, my adorable pregnant fingers have to type. I'm joking of course, but I think every pregnant woman does feel a bit this way. WHY isn't everyone as fascinated with my baby's fingerprints as I am??

Look at his little arm... Just the cutest little arm I ever did see.

We found out this week that our little baby is a BOY! We are thrilled! The ultrasound was fantastic, except for the fact that little boy Reeves was being a major stinker. He was super comfy in there and absolutely would not change positions to get the views the ultrasound technician needed. The ultrasound tech had me drink juice, walk up and down the halls, shake my belly, prod the baby with the ultrasound probe, lay on my sides, and just anything we could think of to get that little turkey to move, but he would have none of it. Whenever she poked him and shook him, he would bat his arms and legs in protest, and then snuggle right back in to go back to sleep. It was eerily reminiscent of waking up his father from a nap.... I have to go in next month for an ultrasound to get a few more measurements because the stinker just would not show his cute face. And of course as I type this, I can feel him kicking the lap top and just having a jolly good time in there. Oh goodness, the affection I feel for this little guy is already a little dizzying.

Hey little man... We sure are glad you stuck around.

This is the position from which he absolutely would not budge. Can you believe there is a little person inside of me??

Hopefully the only photo of our son's wiener that will ever be on the internet.

Whenever I pictured the baby, I always pictured a girl. Not because I really thought it was a girl, but because I am most familiar with baby girls. So I am slightly in mourning of a little baby girl with the perfect baby girl name that I was imagining, but I have no doubt that this little boy is going to be just perfect to me. The only trouble is that we absolutely can not agree on a boy name.

Let's just tell it how it is. If genetics are any indication, our kiddo will be on the short side, very white and freckly, bad at sports, have an affinity for being a know-it-all, and all around just pretty nerdy. You just can not in good conscience name your child Kenneth or Randall (actual names Cary has suggested), knowing what they are up against. That is a child that will spend a lot of time being held up by their underwear by bullies. It is our responsibility as parents to give this poor kid a name that will hopefully minimize the number of swirlies he is given during his lifetime.

You can not name a child with these genes Stanley. It's just mean.

We have a list of names that neither of us hates, but so far nothing that I actually love. Cary is quite particular when it comes to naming babies. All names of any boy I have ever even thought about dating are out. If he has ever met a person with that name that he didn't like, it's out. If it's too trendy or sounds girly (ironic coming from a guy named Cary...) it's out. While I am not nearly as picky as he is, I don't really like extremely common names and I don't like names that don't fit for their whole life. I mean, can you picture a little tiny baby named Walter? It just doesn't work unless he is born as a 70 year old man. Boy, this is heading down a strange path. The point is, naming babies is hard. Please give me all of your best boy names, and also permission to reject them all if I feel like it.

In a week, I will be 20 weeks, so I will do a proper update with a belly picture and that fun little questionnaire that I've been doing. Try to contain your excitement until then. For now I am off to kick my husband's cute fanny at Mario Kart. Princess Peach 4 Lyfe.

P.S. I'm serious about name suggestions. Lemme have 'em.

Pink or Blue?

We find out on FRIDAY if I am currently baking a BOUNCING BABY BOY or a PRINCESS BABY GIRL. I am SO. EXCITED. Cary has missed all of the doctor's appointments so far (so rude of him to skip the first part of my pregnancy by being in the desert...), so I can't wait for him to see the baby on the ultrasound. And I think it'll help the pregnancy feel more real to both of us. I can't wait. So, to amuse myself while sitting around in anticipation, I went ahead and researched the many old wives tales I've heard about predicting gender to see if I could come up with an educated guess before we find out (hopefully) on Friday! Any tips to make sure baby isn't shy in there? I've heard drinking orange juice and eating a candy bar will help the little acrobat show off the goods while we're there, and I will happily be doing both of those!

1. MYTH: If you're carrying high, a girl is hanging out in there. Low means it's a baby boy.

PREDICTION: BOY.

2. MYTH: A little girl steals your beauty. Pregnancy pizza face means you have are having a little princess.

PREDICTION: GIRL. Thanks a lot, baby. I love having a face of a 14 year old.

3. MYTH: Carrying a boy means your hands and feet will be cold and dry.

PREDICTION: BOY. Not really a departure from the norm.

4. MYTH: Tie your wedding ring onto a piece of string and hang it above your belly. If it swings in a circle, you're having a boy. Back and forth means a girl

PREDICTION: GIRL

5. MYTH: If baby's heartbeat is below 140, it's a boy. Above is a girl

PREDICTION: Baby's heartbeat has always been 155-170. GIRL!

6. MYTH: Craving sweets? Blame it on your baby girl. Salty and sour cravings indicate a boy.

PREDICTION: BOY. I love me some chips and sour patch kids these days.

7. MYTH: Chinese birth Calendar

PREDICTION: GIRL. I found a few versions of this online, but they all said girl.

8. MYTH: If your husband is packing on a little bit of sympathy weight, it's because you are having a girl.

PREDICTION: BOY. Of course Cary is like his most thin and trim when I am ballooning into a whale!

9. MYTH: Morning sickness means you are having a girl. A nausea- free first trimester means boy.

PREDICTION: I definitely didn't feel my best during my first trimester... But I wasn't too sick. I'm going with BOY.

10. MYTH: If your legs get really big during pregnancy, it's a boy. If your legs stay lean, hello baby girl!

PREDICTION: BOY... what does having a huge booty mean?

11. MYTH: If you are extra clumsy while you are pregnant, you're having a boy. If you're graceful, it's a girl.

PREDICTION: If this is true, I will never have a girl. BOY.

12. MYTH: If your areola get darker, it's a boy.

PREDICTION: GIRL. And now the internet knows far too much about my nerps.

13. MYTH: If you're really moody, you can blame the extra hormones from your baby girl. 

PREDICTION: You can just go ahead and ask the poor customer service lady at Spokane Utilities, who had to put up with my crying and yelling on the phone because we had a water leak. I'm gonna go with GIRL.

 For those keeping score at home, that's  7/13 for BOY and 6/13 for GIRL

Well, after my exhaustive research, I can confidently say that it's going to be a boy. Or a girl. But I'm like 99.9% sure that it'll be one of the two. 

So, whatcha gonna be, little babe?? A mini-Amy or a mini-Cary? Either way, I think this little baby is gonna be pretty stinkin cute. And I'm gonna love the crap out of it! 

Look at baby Cary's chubby little cheeks. Yes, I will take one just like that.

 This is a terrible picture-of-a-picture, but seriously... I was so dang cute. And I still make that face.

 Just stop. I am dead. This picture officially killed me. So. Cute.

I know what you're thinking! YES, I have always been this cute! 

June? What the heck happened to May? And April?

Ahh, I had such good intentions of blogging more frequently. But alas, it's been over a month and here we are again. I find that my best blogging time is when I am procrastinating working out. I woke up at 7:30 this morning and don't have any appointments today until 2:00. The part of my brain that is responsible for rational thinking thought, "Oh great! I can work out, walk the dog, do laundry, go grocery shopping, clean up, and still have time before my client comes!" But at the same time, my body was thinking more along the lines of, "Oh great! I can lounge around and waste time for hours all morning, and then frantically work out and shower in the hour before my client comes." We are currently in the lounging about and wasting time phase of this operation, and it's going quite well. But I read everything I can think to read on the internet, so time to blog. 

How is it June? It is truly perplexing. Time is moving in the most bizarre combination of slow and fast. I wrote a check the other day and wrote the date as March April May June. Sheesh. 

Anywho. May was a delightful month. One that deserves to be recapped on the blog. I spent the whole month at home, and it was just fantastic. It is no secret that I would happily live in my parent's basement forever. But my husband isn't on board with that plan, and my parents probably aren't either, so I just have to get my fill of living at home again while Cary is gone. Being home was just what the doctor ordered.

I got to spend lots of time with my most favorite sister and some of my favorite babies:

 We went swimming lots of times and had so much fun! Ellie and I loved going down the slide and she only peed on me one time while we were standing in line. It was gross.

 Ellie and Abby were best friends.

 As were Abigail the baby and Abby dog. In order to not confuse Ellie, we told her that my dog's name was "Abby dog" which morphed into "Happy dog." That works too! They both loved to play with happy dog and Abby is just the sweetest pup when it comes to playing with little ones.

Clean babies in jammies... Doesn't get much better! I loved playing with them during bath time, and Ellie loved pouring water on my pants and putting finger puppets on my toes. 

In the best coincidence ever, I got to spend lots of time with my two best friends who both happened to be spending some time in Colorado while I was there! Come this fall, we will be just about as spread out as you can be, with Danica in Virginia, Rachel in California, and me in Washington. It was a bit of a last hurrah. I'm so excited for both of their adventures, but so sad to think it might be a long while before we all get to cause trouble in the same state again. There is something incredible about best friends who have been there through all of the awkward stages, boy drama, high school nonsense, and navigating how to grow up, and you can still spend the weekend laughing like teenage girls and making waiters feel really uncomfortable.

 Dressed up for a fancy dinner downtown! My best friends are so pretty. Dinner was so delicious. For the first time in my life, I ate so much that I was too full for dessert. Could not even take a bite. It was a little bit sad. Also, random story: Apparently I dropped my phone on the way into the restaurant. When we got back in the car afterwards and I couldn't find my phone, we called the number and some guy answered and said he found my phone and picked it up and would bring it back to where we were. Thank you, kind but very weird stranger, for returning my phone!

 We went to go get deep conditioning treatments and blow outs, but for some reason the gal thought we wanted updos instead. We all took them out after, because we looked a bit absurd. The stylist was doing my hair and asked me, "So what are you wearing tonight??" And I was very confused and answered back "Um... probably what I'm wearing now. Or maybe I'll change into sweats. It could go either way." Looking back she probably thought we had some special occasion to go to, and was also confused about why I wanted an updo to go with my sweats.

 Oh the memories of doing hair in my parent's kitchen! But this time, I am a real life hair stylist, and no one had to wear one of those highlighting caps.

Many photos were taken. We revert to teenage girls around each other, and I love it. Oh how I will miss those besties! I'll never find other people who just get me the way they do! Or people who just get how much I love to eat the way they do.

I also spent lots of time with my Mops and Pops and my not-so-lil brother, but they aren't too keen on the selfies, so I didn't get a lot of photographic evidence of that. We played card games, played the wii, I drove the golf cart like a maniac while they golfed, went to lunch, and just loved every minute of hanging out with my fam! Matt and Lauren came into town for a weekend, which was so great, and I did not take a single photo. Rats. I need to get better at documenting fun times. 

Cary's return date for his deployment was constantly changing, so when he suddenly found himself scheduled to come home at the end of May, my mom and I scrambled to get back here as soon as we could and we reunited at our cozy house in Spokane at the end of May. My mom and I had a lovely drive out here, and she flew back to CO the next day. I miss her already! She is my best friend. Cary and I spent the weekend feverishly preparing for my salon! The salon is great, and working at my house is just as amazing as I thought it would be. I am so grateful for my supportive and hard working hubby who helped make it happen! I love being back with that guy. He really is my very best friend. He makes me laugh and just takes such good care of me. He even rubbed my feet the other day for a good half hour, and I died and went to heaven. He is SO excited for our little nugget that is currently incubating. He loves to kiss my tummy and talk to the baby, and I can't wait to see him holding that baby! We are both so excited to find out if baby is a he or a she in just 2 weeks! Are you going to be an Almond Joy or a Mounds, little Reeves? Get it? Almond Joy's got nuts, Mounds don't? That's like my dad's number 1 favorite joke.

 

 I really intended to take weekly belly shots and answer that little questionnaire weekly, but a variety of reasons have kept me from doing so. Reason #1: I am still and possibly will forever be in that phase where you don't look pregnant... you just look like you are letting yourself go. So I'm not loving the picture taking thing these days. Reason #2: I am super lazy. Reason #3: Even though I find it to the most miraculous and all-consuming thing that has ever happened to me, billions of women have been pregnant and had babies, and despite what I sometimes believe, I am not actually the most interesting and unique person on the planet... so I think I will limit to myself to monthly baby updates, so as to make an attempt at not being the most narcissistic person on the planet. 

How far along? Almost 17 weeks                                 
Total weight gain/loss: One million lbs. Or nunya. As in nunya bidness.
Maternity clothes? UGH getting dressed every day is such a struggle! Many of my pants will still button, but I feel like I am being sliced in half when I sit down. I have an extremely short torso, so the little baby bump I have is really low and thick, which means wearing things under the bump doesn't really happen. But my bump isn't substantial enough to hold up maternity clothes, so mostly I wear my real pants and try to button them up and it makes me really grouchy. I occasionally wear that belly band thing, but only if I'm in the mood to pull up my pants and readjust my clothing 30 times per hour. This is not my most favorite phase of being pregnant, body wise. But I'm trying to remember that in a few months from now, I will be wishing I could feel this "huge" again.
Stretch marks? Not yet.
Sleep: I am in favor of it. And sleeping much better these days but holy cow, the dreams!! Sometimes I wake up feeling wiped because my dreams were so exhausting! I had a dream just the other night that I was in a gas station and the gas station got held up and the bad guy was chasing me and it was a long saga and I eventually ran him over with my car. I woke up feeling very tense, but also pretty proud of my dream self for being such a bad-A.
Best moment this week: Probably Cary rubbing my feet... They really hurt, and he's really good.
Movement: Maybe?? The last day or two, I have felt this odd kind of bubbly/popping sensation in one particular spot... It's like nothing I've ever felt before. But I'm hesitant to for sure label it as baby moving. My uterus could just be popping popcorn.
Food cravings: The thing about cravings... I always crave stuff even when I'm not pregnant. So I'm not sure anything can be attributed to being pregnant. But I really love watermelon and quesadillas.
Anything making you queasy or sick: My prenatals always gross me out and I gag every time.
Have you started to show yet: I believe I've expressed my thoughts on this matter. If I had to describe my body in one word it would be: Doughy.

 Gender prediction: No guesses. 2 more weeks until we know! Don't be shy, baby!
Labor Signs: Nope... duh.
Belly Button in or out? In. And looking as cavernous as ever. 
Wedding rings on or off? On. I FINALLY got to stop taking progesterone, and dropped like 5 lbs in a week. That stuff made me SO bloated.

 Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty dang happy! My hubby's home, I'm feeling good, my home salon is awesome- I have so much to be happy about! But sometimes I forget about all of these things when I get dressed in the mornings and have a good old fashioned sulk fest.
Weekly Wisdom: Love your body. It's making a miracle. Go easy on yourself and try to just enjoy the ride. Not as easy as it sounds, but I'm trying to make this my mantra!

As in added bonus for my loyal blog readers, here's a really lovely photo I just took now that I am finally going to get my lazy keester out of bed and go work out! 

I know... it's just not fair for a pregnant lady to be so very alluring. Don't hate.